It's funny how when something bad happens, you always go through the five stages of grief. You can't avoid it, hide from it, or pretend you're doing fine.
I went through all five--denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance--while still under contract, and now I find I'm going through all five again. (now that I have NO contract)
I have always been in touch with my feelings, so I sit here musing on my insanity at letting my publisher go. What the hell was I thinking? Am I crazy? What if no one else wants my book? What if I never get another chance? What if this was it? (All under the the chapter of denial)
I have all sorts of angry discussions with God, demanding to know the plan, why this had to happen etc . . . . Anger and bargaining. Clearly.
And then finally, depression and acceptance. I'm right back where I started . . . sort of. On the bright side, I have had a whole year of personal editorial training, which was invaluable, and that's a great thing, but I'm back at the bottom of the heap. Back to writing queries, back to looking for agents and publishers etc... Back to sitting for hours and hours, fixing and typing.
I'm not trying to bring anyone down here, just thought it was funny--not funny ha ha--how human emotion works. In time I'll remember that it's the one who never gives up, who crosses the finish line. I'm almost there. It's so close I can taste it . . . I think.