Check out my friend's new book!

Announcing the release of Inevitable, the newest young adult suspense novel by Tamara Hart Heiner!

Visions of death plague Jayne, who thinks watching her boyfriend die is the worst that could happen to her. But when she witnesses a murder, Jayne finds herself caught up in a dangerous world of intrigue and suspense.

As it turns out, she is not the only one doing the stalking. The killer is on to her, and all of her visions of the dying don't reveal how her life will end. Somehow, she must stop the murderer before he arranges Jayne's own inevitable death.

First page
Available on Amazon.com, Smashwords.com, Barnes & Noble.com, and Kobo.com!


After an awesome ebook launch on Facebook, Tamara's trying hard to top that with the paperback. So here's the plan:

1) For the entire month of March, every comment on Tamara's blog gets entered into a drawing to win a HARD COPY of one of her books. (You get to choose which one!)

2) Leave a comment on THIS BLOG for a chance to win ALL of her young adult ebooks!

3) Enter the Goodreads Giveaway for another chance to win Inevitable.

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Inevitable

by Tamara Hart Heiner

Giveaway ends April 02, 2013.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

4) If you SPREAD THE NEWS, whether it's on your blog, on Facebook, on Twitter, or just plain word of mouth, you'll be entered into a drawing for a $50 Amazon OR Barnes and Noble gift card. Email Tamara at tamarahartheiner dot com and tell her how many times you did it, and you'll be entered into the drawing that many times!

Are we ready??? Get set! Go!

About the author: I live in Arkansas with my husband and three children, two crazy boys and one pretty little princess. I used to spend a lot of time writing until I had a baby and discovered Facebook. Now you'll often find me on there pretending to have a social life.

I am the author of three young adult suspense novels, PERILOUS, ALTERCATION, and INEVITABLE. You can find out more about what I'm writing and catch deleted scenes from my books on my blog at http://tamarahartheiner.blogspot.com.

Treatment for my Lyme

I thought I would chronicle my journey through this jungle of Lyme, so it is time for another post to keep you posted, because I know the whole world is waiting on pins and needles for me. ;)

Anyway . . . I went to see my new doctor, and let me just say, I am very impressed. He's an ND which is a naturopath, and at first I was hesitant. I think we are conditioned to believe that if there is no MD at the end of their name, they are not as educated or validated. I mean really. Herbs? Natural antibiotics? How can they possibly be as good as the "real" stuff.

This doctor came highly recommended but I am not going to mention his name here. If you are interested in knowing who I go to message me privately. He went to medical school in Portland and has the same number of years of educations as a regular MD.

The first thing he told me is that in people who have been carrying Lyme around for a very long time, regular antibiotics don't work well. They make the Lyme dig deeper and become stronger, and the antibiotic ruins the person's immune system and makes them feel like crap . . . for years. Because this cycle is done over and over to kill the bacteria, and never succeeding.

The first thing I need to do, he says, is a toxic clean-up. One of the reasons Lyme patients are so inflamed on the inside is because of the toxins filling their body. So I am doing a variety of cleanses, from nasal cleanses to certain kinds of enemas (which I will not discuss here because it's just too damn gross). I've been doing these cleanses now for 5 days and OH MY WORD! They work. I feel SO much better, but that is also because I'm working up slowly to the correct dosage of my natural antibiotics, and when I get to a dose that is really doing something I will begin my herxheimer reactions. Because of the rapid kill-off, when you take antibiotics--natural or not--most people will feel worse for a while. I can control that by how many drops of my herbal stuff I take.

Right now I am on two different kinds of drops. Banderol and Samento. I'm also using colloidal silver 2-3 times a day. (for those of you who have opinions about natural antibiotics, please keep them to yourself). I will do anything, try anything, to get better. He also wants me to use a rife machine that I have access to. We have to be careful though, because you don't want the kill-off to be too fast. That isn't good for you either.

I also still take my Protandim which I truly believe has kept me going as it gets rid (at a high, rapid rate) of free radicals and oxidative stress. I take my B vitamins religiously and also a high quality multi-vitamin. I have to take Pectonate 6 times a day. That stuff binds to toxins and takes them out of the body so that the toxins don't keep building up. It's part of the toxic cleanup, but it tastes like dirt. I have to add stevia to get it down. I am also taking thyroid and progesterone as the Lyme has totally screwed up my hormones and I've gain 15 lbs or so. I don't weigh myself any more. It's too depressing., but at least now that my hormones are leveling out and my hair has stopped falling out so rapidly.

I'm supposed to drink a ton of water that has a bit of salt in it, because my body is not holding water and it runs right through me. I'm pretty dehydrated if I don't do this, but let me just say. I don't love it. I'm also supposed to stick to my anti-inflammatory diet which means no sugar, no dairy, no red meat, no processed foods, and no fun.

So, unless I have forgotten anything, this is my regimen, my day. It's not fun, and I still have to rest a ton, but I'm on my way.

Oh, just a side note. When I first got my test results two weeks ago I asked my regular doctor to call the lab doc who had told me I definitely had Lyme. (my regular doc didn't know how to interpret my results and thought they were negative, remember?) Anywho . . . he finally got back to me. TODAY!! It took him two weeks to call that doc and to then have his nurse call me. She said that my doc, after speaking with the specialist at the lab, wants to put me on Doxycycine for 28 days. Well, he is too little, too late.

My new doctor calls me back the same day I call. Even when I wasn't his patient in the beginning he called me back the same day, and when I went to his office it was full. Just like any other doctor out there. I really like a doctor who makes me feel important, like I matter, like my health is worth his attention. I told my other doctor's nurse that I had found a specialist and would be going with him. I wasn't rude, but I'm also not going to pussy foot around any more. I just don't have the energy for it.

At least that makes three doctors who have validated my diagnosis . . . finally.

It's Official

It's official. I have Lyme disease. I've thought I had it for a while now even though no one else believed me. Well, not everyone didn't believe me. The people who truly counted did. Anyway, I got the "official" test results back from Igenex and my normal, family practitioner couldn't even understand how to interpret the results.

He figured it was negative since 4 out of the 5 tests came back negative. I was stunned. I'd been so sure. His diagnosis of the results did not feel right to me, so I called the lab and asked if there was a doctor there who could explain my results to me.

There was a doctor in and he was very smart, very professional, and was able to set me straight. I definitely have Lyme and I contracted it over a year ago. They can't pinpoint exactly when, of course, but they know it was over a year ago.

I've been bit by ticks twice. Once when I was around 8 and once when I was in Jr. High. I've struggled with brain fog and fatigue my whole life. I don't know if those symptoms come natural to me or if they are a product of Lyme, but either way, I'm vindicated now.

It feels so GOOD to say, "I told you so!" It feels so good to have a reason for my suffering, and it feels  REALLY good to finally have an answer and a directions to head in.

I've always been proactive when it comes to my health, so I spoke to others with Lyme, found a great doctor who specializes in treating it, and made that appointment. He lives two hours away, which is a huge pain in the rear, but I don't want to waste time with someone who doesn't know a dang thing about it. The doctor I found has a 100% approval rating online.

I'm terrified, overwhelmed, and depressed about it all. I have good, long cries often, where I lie in bed and beg God to make it all go away. But then I get back up, dust myself off, dry my tears, and climb back in the saddle. There are times when Lyme seems to flatten me. It has won many battles so far, but it won't win the war. I will not let it defeat me. No matter how long it takes. (hopefully it won't take a long time.)

A Rare Gift

I had energy today. That in itself was a huge surprise, so on the way home from dropping the kids off at carpool I had to decide what to do with this rare gift.

I could take some time on the treadmill, but that is always super boring. I could do some yoga, but I have a hard time warming my muscle up without walking on the treadmill first. When I got home I saw my porch and walkway covered in snow and ice. We had freezing rain yesterday which is also rare, but gave the snow already on the ground a nice patina on top. Very beautiful and very crunchy.

I'd found my desired exercise. After getting a flat edge, metal shovel from the garage, I went to work . . . in my bathrobe, pajamas, winter coat, and Sorel boots. Yeah, I was a pretty picture.

It took an amazing amount of energy because there was a layer of ice beneath the snow. Chop, chop, chop went my shovel until my arms were shaky. I could only do the area right in front of my door and the three steps down to the walkway.

Normally after I work out I feel great, with renewed energy to spare. But because of my lengthy illness I felt like I would pass out instead, and this is the usual response anymore. So I came in and laid down for a bit.

It would be easy to feel sorry for myself, but I've just started reading a book about a woman my age who has no memory of the past twenty years. Because of an accident, she starts the her life over and over every morning with no memories to build on. It makes me realize there are others out there with problems worse than mine.

I'm waiting to hear back from Igenex. The lab that is doing my blood work  I dread the results whether they are positive or negative. Even if I really do have Lyme Disease, there's still a 15-20% chance the results can come back negative. Where would that leave me? I just don't want to go on living like this. I'm also starting to think I have been battling what ever I have for a long time. I haven't felt good for years, although there have always been times of reprieve where it felt nothing was wrong at all.

Yesterday I broke down and went to the DI (like the Salvation Army) to buy fat girl pants. Well, not really fat girl, but bigger than I normally wear. Because I can hardly exercise and the fact that I have to lie down so much, I've gained weight. About 15 lbs in all. So, my  normal, everyday jeans are very tight and uncomfortable to wear for long periods. I've become the housewife who wears yoga pants every day. That in itself is a self esteem killer.

Today I am wearing army-fatigue cargo pants. I bought them for the sole purpose that they make me feel bad-ass, which is a good thing. I need to feel strong and tough, that I can kick this thing. I only had to upgrade one size, and it feels good to wear clothes that fit, and after I'm better, I'll work on getting those extra pounds back off. Until then, I will accept and adore the body I have. I refuse to become obsessive about my figure or weight.

At least I can remember who I am every day, and that, folks, is huge.

Hope for the New Year

Most people this time of year are making resolutions and goals for the coming year. Lose weight. Learn a new instrument. Read the classics.

I just want to get better. Not that those other things aren't important, but it's all about perspective. I've made the goals to lose weight or to try new things many times. It's when you just want to live that your whole perspective of the world and life changes.

I want my hair to stop falling out. I want to eat something without getting indigestion EVERY time. I want to be able to wake up with energy so I can work out. I want to feel happy. We forget how hard it is to feel happy when our body feels crappy.

I have a new appreciation for people with chronic illnesses. Supposedly Lyme Disease isn't chronic, but I have friends who have been fighting it for years. I hope my story is different. I hope I can kick it the first time around.

This year, I just want to love my kids. I want to be the loving, fun, patient mom I've never been before. I want to read to them, like my mom did with me. I haven't done that with my kids. I'm always so tired. My whole life I've fought fatigue. I'm so chronically tired that I'm not even sure what it means to have the energy to get things done. I've spent my life evaluating how tired an activity will make me, balancing my days by my "exhaustedness". I want this year to be one of activity and wonderful memories. I want to go places with my family, DO things.

Here's to a new year. And here's to new possibilities. Here's to health, happiness, and family. May your new year be as wonderful as I hope mine is!

Happy New Year!

PS. Thank you to all of you who have commented on past past. Thank you for your advice and encouragement. I'm now taking apple cider vinegar pills and they help IMMENSELY! Thank you all!

Another Day in Paradise

I see I've let too much time go by since my last post. I wouldn't want to startle anyone by being too consistent though. ;P  So the latest is that I feel acutely depressed by my whole situation. I don't want to be a downer for anyone and I'm not normally a depressed person, although I do have a UV lamp on my desk because I get "SAD" in the winter.

I think having a chronic illness can really weigh you down and normally I wouldn't share my feelings with literally everyone in the world, but I keep thinking that if I can just help one person who feels the same, then maybe I'm making a positive difference.

The other day my husband called home and told me he'd noticed a humming off and on in his lower abdomen. That was one of my first symptoms. Naturally I was worried and depressed about it the rest of the day because if my hubby has Lyme, we're up a creak without a paddle. We're in financial straights as it is. If he couldn't work . . . There's still a lot of debate on whether or not Lyme is sexually transmitted, so the jury's still out on that, but we'll see what happens. No sense counting chickens and all that.

So I called my doctor this morning to ask about getting an antidepressant, but of course I only get to talk with his nurses who I've learned do not always give me the same answers he does. Anyway, she said he won't prescribe an antidepressant unless I make an appointment and come in to be seen. I've already seen him twice in the last few weeks and I can't afford another appt. right before Christmas since I don't have insurance.

I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. Crying frequently with frustration on so many levels. Some days my life seems so hopeless (as far as ever feeling good again).

I'm trying so hard to be a good mom, to be cheerful, (which I'm failing miserably at) and to have a positive outlook, but I'm afraid it's not working very well. A friend recommended St. John's Wort so I think I'll try that. I'll let you know if it works. I take so many pills now that I'm sick of them. Protandim, multivitamin, B complex, Cortisol manager, pills to sleep, Potassium to aid digestion because mine sucks, and sometimes extra Ashwagandha. What I need is a modern day miracle. And angel to come down and pronounce me healed. That is what I'd really like.

Thank you all so much, those of you who've left comments on my other posts. They mean the world to me.

I swear to tell the truth, so help me God

I saw an old friend at the grocery store today. Actually, she's more of an acquaintance than an old friend, but whenever we see each other, we always stop to chat for a minute. It's been a while, so when she saw me, of course she asked how I was doing.

It's one of those moments where you have a split second debate inside your head. Do I tell the truth, or do I say that everything is good? I opted for the truth, then instantly regretted it. The look on someone's face when you tell them that you have something terribly wrong with you is not worth it.

I vote to lie every time.

And yet . . . people deserve the truth. But I don't think they really want to hear it, and I certainly don't want to explain and say that I'm always walking around in a brain fog, that I have to make lists because I can't remember anything, let alone carry on a normal conversation. That I'm always so dizzy I can hardly stand it and I'm so exhausted all the time that I can't get out of bed or doing anything for long. I wouldn't have been at the grocery store if we hadn't been out of food.

I wouldn't even be sitting here writing this without a will power of solid iron. (laughing sardonically)  I have to force myself to do things, because otherwise, I'd never move, think, or do anything. It's too tiring mentally, physically, and emotionally.

I hate being sick. I was always one who loved doing things at the drop of a hat, who loved to sit for hours and write, who loved to be outside with my animals. I find myself watching a lot of TV these days. And now Christmas time is here. Normally I would have already put up my decorations. My little kids want to see Christmas at our house, and all I can think of is lying down in my quiet bedroom.

I have to be honest, I'm having a really hard time. I'm really down about all this, but I just keep telling myself that this is a test. It is only a test. If it were a real emergency, I'd be notified.