Friday, January 25, 2013

A Rare Gift

I had energy today. That in itself was a huge surprise, so on the way home from dropping the kids off at carpool I had to decide what to do with this rare gift.

I could take some time on the treadmill, but that is always super boring. I could do some yoga, but I have a hard time warming my muscle up without walking on the treadmill first. When I got home I saw my porch and walkway covered in snow and ice. We had freezing rain yesterday which is also rare, but gave the snow already on the ground a nice patina on top. Very beautiful and very crunchy.

I'd found my desired exercise. After getting a flat edge, metal shovel from the garage, I went to work . . . in my bathrobe, pajamas, winter coat, and Sorel boots. Yeah, I was a pretty picture.

It took an amazing amount of energy because there was a layer of ice beneath the snow. Chop, chop, chop went my shovel until my arms were shaky. I could only do the area right in front of my door and the three steps down to the walkway.

Normally after I work out I feel great, with renewed energy to spare. But because of my lengthy illness I felt like I would pass out instead, and this is the usual response anymore. So I came in and laid down for a bit.

It would be easy to feel sorry for myself, but I've just started reading a book about a woman my age who has no memory of the past twenty years. Because of an accident, she starts the her life over and over every morning with no memories to build on. It makes me realize there are others out there with problems worse than mine.

I'm waiting to hear back from Igenex. The lab that is doing my blood work  I dread the results whether they are positive or negative. Even if I really do have Lyme Disease, there's still a 15-20% chance the results can come back negative. Where would that leave me? I just don't want to go on living like this. I'm also starting to think I have been battling what ever I have for a long time. I haven't felt good for years, although there have always been times of reprieve where it felt nothing was wrong at all.

Yesterday I broke down and went to the DI (like the Salvation Army) to buy fat girl pants. Well, not really fat girl, but bigger than I normally wear. Because I can hardly exercise and the fact that I have to lie down so much, I've gained weight. About 15 lbs in all. So, my  normal, everyday jeans are very tight and uncomfortable to wear for long periods. I've become the housewife who wears yoga pants every day. That in itself is a self esteem killer.

Today I am wearing army-fatigue cargo pants. I bought them for the sole purpose that they make me feel bad-ass, which is a good thing. I need to feel strong and tough, that I can kick this thing. I only had to upgrade one size, and it feels good to wear clothes that fit, and after I'm better, I'll work on getting those extra pounds back off. Until then, I will accept and adore the body I have. I refuse to become obsessive about my figure or weight.

At least I can remember who I am every day, and that, folks, is huge.

10 comments:

Jeri said...

ain't life grand??? hang in there girl - love you!

Jess said...

Snow with ice underneath is the worst to shovel~ way to get outside, though! I usually ignore the ice and it lingers there for the longest time, especially if it's in the shadowy area of the porch.

Hope you find something definitive out and can work toward finding a way to feel better...like the above poster said, hang in there!

Karen Jones Gowen said...

I had to laugh at the yoga pants comment. I wear them all the time because they're so dang comfortable and look better when I go out than my pj pants LOL.

Chuck said...

Melissa, I don't know If I gave you this in a comment before or not but I would recommend checking out drwhitaker.com. I don't know if you have Lyme disease or not (I am suspecting not from everything I have read since your post on this subject). I believe you might get some good insight from Dr. Whitaker. Just a thought. Best wishes to you.

Neurotic Workaholic said...

I like wearing cargo pants because it gives me a place to put things, like coins I find on the ground, candy for when I need a sugar rush, and pieces of paper that I can make into airplanes and throw at annoying people.
I hope that you feel better soon. I know what it's like to feel self-conscious about your appearance, and it's hard. But I know that you'll get through it.

Nichole Giles said...

Cargo pants are the one kind that never seem to go out of style. I bet you look totally killer in them. Just add a little blingy top with them, and you'll be styling up your natural sexiness.

Sorry to hear you've been so sick. I hope you start feeling better very soon.

Melissa J. Cunningham said...

You guys are all totally awesome! And I do rock those cargo pants! LOL

Kris said...

Ahhh, yes, Housework, the new workout for Lymies. You worked out. You got out of bed, got dressed, went to DI, tried to shovel. That's a full body workout. Hollywood hotties don't even do their own housework or their own shopping so you're already more than one up on them.

life Insurance Policy said...

Thanks for wonderful article post. One of the best blog post I read in recent past. This post have great content. I can stand up and say superb!

tours and travels
travel package
best life insurance policy
web designing company
cheap flight booking

Adeeva Afsheen said...


I say many thanks to the father of the website admin I read this, because at this website I know a lot of information information that I did not know before his

Obat Stroke Ringan Tradisional
Cara Menghilangkan Penyakit Kuning Anak
Obat Benjolan Di Bawah Dagu
Obat Sakit Gigi Ibu Menyusui
Obat Migren Untuk Ibu Hamil
Cara Menghilangkan Kesemutan
Obat Benjolan Tumor Di Ketiak
Obat Kanker Tuba Falopi Herbal
Obat TBC Tumor Di Hati
Obat Polip Di Usus