Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Keepin' on

I've learned something about myself. Actually, that's a lie. It's already something I knew, but has just come to light once more, making me take a long hard look at myself. Here's the thing. I like to quit when things get hard. Yep. That's me. A wanna-be quitter. The truth is, when something becomes overwhelming to me, appears too hard, or feels too stressful, I try to think of ways to get out of it, and fast.

In the past this system has worked well for me. As a responsible adult . . . not so much. Instead I day dream of solutions to solve my problem and they aren't grown up, adult, mature solutions. Alas, I'm taken back to the years of my childhood, making excuses to get out of responsibility.

In my defense, in the last few of years, mainly since I've started writing, I may feel this natural inclination to run away or escape, but I don't do it. At least, not often. I'm feeling it now with my new job. I LOVE my job. It's so dang fun, buy the principal at the school will NOT bend on the schedule which really frustrates me. My four year old only has one year left before kindergarten and even then, will only be able to go half a day. I really don't want to miss out on that last bit of time together with him, so the schedule thing is bothering me. I may not stay at this school next year. I'm willing to miss a little time with W, but not the majority of the week. I'll finish this school year because I really feel like this is what I should do. But it peeves me!

I'm not good at change either. I love my life, being a stay at home mom, writing at my leisure. Now my schedule is more hectic, I get tired so much faster, and all these things make me want to quit. Run away. Hide. But I won't, because I don't like to look bad. I don't want to look like a total loser. Yes, folks. It's pride. My pride keeps me going, so maybe pride really isn't such a bad thing.

Anyway, here's to determination and follow-through. Here's to picking yourself up by the boot straps and moving forward because you must, whether you like it or not. AND here's to making yourself grow and stretch even when it's extremely inconvenient and uncomfortable.


Caledonia Lass said...

I hear ya! I have issues where I just want to run away or stay in bed til the hard parts are over. But that is not being responsible. :( Sometimes, I don't like being an adult. But then there are days I love it! :D

Old Kitty said...

Good for you Melissa! It truly is a challenge balancing what should be done and what you would much rather be doing! But such are the challenges of life and reality! I love your attitude of facing up to these trials and tribulations and finding solutions you can all live with! Take care

Ricky said...

I long for my care-free teenage years!

mshatch said...

oh good luck trying to figure it out. I don't have any small children (just one big one) but it's STILL hard to carve out writing time. I wouldn't know how to do it if I had a little person around.

Vicki Rocho said...

I know exactly what you mean. It seems easier to start over sometimes than to fix "it".

Good luck with the schedule thing -- it's really hard to find a happy balance between work and motherhood.

Blaze McRob said...

We have to go with what's the most important. Decisions can be tough to make. Your head is in the right place.


Melissa Sugar said...

And here's to you for being brave enough to admit your weaknesses and strong enough to address them. That is half the battle. I know I keep plugging, Martha Alderson's book, The Plot Whisperer, but here again I find something remarkable and useful she has written. She writes in the first chapter that we all love the beginning of each new project because it is new and fresh, sort of like meeting people for the first time. Then she adds that in the middle of the story things get messy just like in real life and in relationships. Going back to the beginning or quitting is easier than pushing through the hard part.

Her advice made sense to me. I am working on my own determination to "follow through: Good luck to you.

Tyrean Martinson said...

Great post! I admit, I am setting one project aside so I can write something new for NaNo, but I have a schedule set aside from myself and hungry beta readers who want the next 10 chapters of my revision, so I know I'll get back to my current project in December. I am not quitting, merely letting it rest . . . sometimes I think that's ok.

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Hello Melissa,

You are just like all of us. As far as possible we would like to shirk responsibility and find some easy way out. I think people like us are in a majority in the world. We only roll up our sleeves and pull up our socks and face the challenge when we have no other option left to us. But then who likes to stretch and strain if we can avoid doing things which takes our energy,time, long hours of hard work, determination, perspiration, tension, perseverance. Of course, we may not achieve great things but some how get along in this world without major achievements and accomplishments. We will find satisfaction in whatever little things we do and comfort ourselves that most people are like us.And life goes on.

Best wishes,

Melissa J. Cunningham said...

Joseph- you said it exactly right. Perfectly and amen to all of it.

Ashley Nixon said...

Wonderful post. I remember once I thought about giving up on my writing career, thought maybe it wasn't for me. I woke up extremely early the next day (WEIRD) and went into the living room, on television, there was a segment on the news about how people who were just about to give up...but they didn't and reached their goals. All of them. Wonderful inspiration! I haven't given up since! Doesn't mean I didn't want too, but I always remember that segment!

Jamie Brook Thompson said...

New follower! I love that you've said what we all are feeling! Thanks for the guts and honesty. I too have wanted to quit so bad and then I went and did a crazy thing and got my novel published. I thought it would feel so good, but I actually had more fun writing it. Now I worry about the numbers... Is anyone reading it... Does anyone like it... The process never stops even after you publish, it just gets different!

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