I've learned something about myself. Actually, that's a lie. It's already something I knew, but has just come to light once more, making me take a long hard look at myself. Here's the thing. I like to quit when things get hard. Yep. That's me. A wanna-be quitter. The truth is, when something becomes overwhelming to me, appears too hard, or feels too stressful, I try to think of ways to get out of it, and fast.
In the past this system has worked well for me. As a responsible adult . . . not so much. Instead I day dream of solutions to solve my problem and they aren't grown up, adult, mature solutions. Alas, I'm taken back to the years of my childhood, making excuses to get out of responsibility.
In my defense, in the last few of years, mainly since I've started writing, I may feel this natural inclination to run away or escape, but I don't do it. At least, not often. I'm feeling it now with my new job. I LOVE my job. It's so dang fun, buy the principal at the school will NOT bend on the schedule which really frustrates me. My four year old only has one year left before kindergarten and even then, will only be able to go half a day. I really don't want to miss out on that last bit of time together with him, so the schedule thing is bothering me. I may not stay at this school next year. I'm willing to miss a little time with W, but not the majority of the week. I'll finish this school year because I really feel like this is what I should do. But it peeves me!
I'm not good at change either. I love my life, being a stay at home mom, writing at my leisure. Now my schedule is more hectic, I get tired so much faster, and all these things make me want to quit. Run away. Hide. But I won't, because I don't like to look bad. I don't want to look like a total loser. Yes, folks. It's pride. My pride keeps me going, so maybe pride really isn't such a bad thing.
Anyway, here's to determination and follow-through. Here's to picking yourself up by the boot straps and moving forward because you must, whether you like it or not. AND here's to making yourself grow and stretch even when it's extremely inconvenient and uncomfortable.